Enjoy your roses before their fragrance fades

I have always be-lieved that un-happiness is a state of mind, not of possessions. You can have all the wealth in the world, even qualities such as beauty, but they will never ensure happiness. While the truth behind such a philosophy concerning possession in all its forms is easy to understand, there are many people who can never extend this thought to their relationships. No matter what they may have received in terms of emotional or monetary gratification from their spouses, or their siblings or their children, they are still craving for more and more. Their deep internal unhappiness may stem from many causes ranging from simple envy to their desire to make others conform to their beliefs and viewpoints. Some months ago, I went to the house of friends of mine. Both husband and wife are people from the arts; essentially writers and journalists and very liberal in their outlook. Their house is stacked with books and they spend their free time watching plays and in literary pursuits. Their eternal gripe is that their daughter, who is a strapping 18-year-old, is just not into the arts. “She does not read the papers and is ignorant about current affairs,” said the father. “I have lured her with all kinds of things, but she has never read more than three books so far,” counters the mother. “She is on Facebook or some social network site all the while… I wonder where it will take her,” both complain. And they are sad that their vast library lies unread by their child. The daughter is a very focussed girl and is essentially into sports and design. “Uncle, I feel sleepy when I read,” she tells me plainly. “And I am not always on social sites; I keep browsing design sites for new ideas, but mom and dad do not appreciate design. They think I am being too fancy, what can I do?” I tell the parents to rejoice in their daughter’s choice and participate in her interests, rather than forcing their choices on her. That will bring them closer to her and make them appreciate her interests. They cannot understand that they are being dictatorial with their daughter in making her conform to their ideal concepts. “Be thankful that in today’s day and age your daughter is not on drugs or moving around with unsuitable boys,” I tell them as a sign off line. Last week the father rang me up and said that things were much better with his daughter after they had taken my advice to heart. “Instead of cribbing over what we did not have, we have begun to celebrate what we have. And in the process, we have rediscovered our daughter,” he said, putting it across beautifully as only a man of letters can. Life is essentially about having to make adjustments. Appreciate what you have rather than rue what you don’t have. As I say, rejoice in your roses before their fragrance becomes a memory.