Being kind is more important than being right

When you are young, you are naïve. You think that the world is inhabited by good-hearted kids as yourself, that everyone is like you and has your mental qualities, abilities and peeves. You cannot understand how someone can be so different from yourself, have different aptitudes, prefer different games and have different choices. It is only when you are much older that you realise that there are types and types of people and that they all have different standards, values and morals. And then you realise that you can never understand them. Many months ago, I met a 50 plus professional who had gone through life never believing that he had ever done a wrong; he was firm that it had always been the other person’s fault. If he had not been a spectacular success, it was the fault of his parents who did not set him up in business. If he was a mere dabbler in the stock market, and was not a mover and shaker, it was because his parents did not give him their sizeable funds to handle; they preferred to salt it away in bank deposits. If he could not leverage his landed property, it was because of his siblings who did not give him the rights to jointly sell out their share with his. And if he was becoming crotchety at home, it was because of his wife! His spouse tells me that he had been committing blunder after blunder in the two decades of marriage, but had never seen reason; firmly arrogating to himself the title of being above and beyond everyone in the house. Slowly, very slowly, he destroyed the happiness in the families, but he still does not see it. In fact, the wife says that he has never apologised to anyone in the quarter century of their married life! In a similar vein, I also know another person in the same age group who has never understood the concept of arguing. He believes that an argument is a battle which he has to win at all costs. And win he does, but at great vexation to his friends as he does not understand his hectoring ways are gnawing at the roots of friendship. Frankly, I don’t think that he cares for anything except winning arguments. The cause of such behaviour lies in egos which are so fragile and bruised that they cannot accept another person’s point of view, much less concede that they could be in error. Such an ego has got it so wrong by believing that it gets diminished if it apologises. An apology is a proof that you have conquered your ego; it clears your heart and makes you realise that it is human to err. It also means that you value your relationships more than your ego. And in a related way, it is critical to realise that being kind is more important than being right. After all, no one will remember the next day who won the argument. But they will definitely recall your kindness for a long time.

That's Just Me

I have been wandering off a lot lately Got stuck inside the oblivion of thoughts. I am trying to reach out for something Which I haven’t yet imagined about. Complex, frustrated, crazy, confused – Is what they call me. I simply pay no heed and walk on. But inside me, deep inside, there is something, That I myself have not been able to understand, That am desperately trying to. Words hate me, time has left me. Am all struggling to get out (in the world), The way people want me to. But for what? I ask. Friendship? Respect? Attention? Love? "All I want is a little understanding" – says my stupid heart. And I lie back to fall sleep And let this Disturbed mind calm down. And after all these, someone will come and state – "You and your addled mind." But that’s just me. Like it or not.

How to put time management in its place

I’m done putting my life into categories. Quadrants. Day types. Feck. Here’s how it happened: Last year I turned my life upside down. Took a break from marriage. Moved. Shelved numerous obligations to meet a writing deadline. Avoided said writing deadline for a long time. Slammed that writing deadline. Put my health significantly further up on the priority list. Chose yoga over blog posts. Hung with friends instead of wooing clients. Launched stuff at light speed. Killed projects. Stopped cooking dinner mid-boil to capture an idea. Talked on the phone with friends…in the middle of the day…for hours. I lived more, because it was time for some things to die. I had to arrive at thrive or I would get stuck in survival mode. In this dimension, nothing is predictable, and unbridled is the only way to go. It was not the time to “manage” my time. Time management systems are tricky beasts. They may help us be more productive, but not necessarily less stressed, or more fulfilled, or more in touch with our true nature. We may look freer with our priorities all tidy, but too often, time remains the master and we get “given” time for obeying the system. I’d rather be fulfilled than obedient. And it turns out that when I’m fulfilled, I’m…fulfilled – whether I’m productive or not. And that gives me plenty of energy to be more focused on what matters most, which makes me truly productive. It’s a beautiful thing. Here’s how I got there: HOW TO PUT TIME MANAGEMENT IN ITS PLACE. 
(BUT ONLY IF YOU WANT TO.) 1. Stop keeping a detailed to-do list. If it’s truly important, you’ll remember to do it. A few post it notes and texts to yourself should be all you need. 2. Say no, thank you to four things a day. My coach gave me this assignment. It changed my life. 3. Relentlessly focus on the one or two vocational desires that turn you on so much that envisioning doing JUST those things seems so fantastical that it borders on erotic pleasure (yep, I think it’s your birthright to feel that hot about your work in the world). Everything else that is not about fulfilling your most intense vocational desires is getting in the way of making your fantasy life a reality. 4. Work with talented and excellent human beings. Amateurs, posers and mediocrity-makers are time squatters. Move ‘em out. 5. Delegate the stuff that doesn’t light you up.
 6. Have (only) 3 important things to accomplish every week. Make those three things happen and you’re closer to making your fantasy life a reality. Accomplish more than that and you’ll feel like a super hero (good esteem fuels fulfillment AND productivity.) 7. Batch n’ chunk. Pay all of your bills at the same time. Create a day just for errands. Make all of your calls before noon. This “while you’re at it” kind of momentum is incredibly efficient. 8. Ask yourself every morning what you really feel like doing. Not what’s most important. Not what’s expected of you. But what you’re most excited to do. Enthusiasm is the DNA of making things happen. Start there. Flying without a to-do list made me worry. It was scary to let go of revenue streams and planned projects. Going to yoga when I had obligations actually took some moxie. Doing what I was truly stoked to do each day was unnerving, guilt-inducing and exhilarating all at once. And it didn’t take long for this free forming time style to reveal my most lucrative, artistically satisfying, relationship-enhancing year ever.Easy does it.

The delusion

The delusion

Why MANY smart people are not social?

You and I both have met enough smart people who are not social. And while social has many meanings, what I am referring to is social at the fundamental level – to invest ongoing time and energy in conversations with people that fall under a broad spectrum of relationships (from strangers to close friends.) Social media simply happens to be a more efficient (may not be more effective all the time) medium for those conversations. I went on a journey to explore the reasons for the same. Some of the reasons are obvious but some would definitely surprise you. But, before we go there, let us look at the smart and social landscape. If we put them all in a graph, we can slot people into four quadrants namely: 1. Not Smart and Not Social: These people are Invisible and except for people that have relationships with them, others won’t notice that they are missing. 2. Not Smart and Social: These are Noise Generators. With the barrier to entry for any social media tool being so low, they talk a lot but the value of what they say is questionable. 3. Smart but Not Social: These are Hidden Gems. I have to be careful here as there are many people in this category that are not “hidden.” Their work is so valuable that others will amplify it for them. 4. Smart and Social: These are Amplifiers. They bring a lot of value and begin social they know how to amplify their value. Our focus in this blog post is on #3 – Hidden Gems. Why are these smart people not so social. Here are reasons that I got: 1. They never felt the need to be social: Many people that I spoke to expressed that they haven’t felt the need to be social and they would rather prefer relationships with a close-knit group than spreading their energy. They are social in their own limited circle but not the way others expect them to be. If you have to choose between quality and quantity, you should go for quality when it comes to building relationships. 2. They are super busy: Some expressed that they are so busy with their current projects that they don’t have ANY time to engage with new people. That is not to say that they don’t meet with new people – but these new people they meet come via one-to-one introductions via their trusted sources. 3. They don’t believe ROI story (completely): They don’t believe the general explanation of ROI. Their logic – the general ROI explanation “assumes” that one does not have a better use for the time invested in being social. These people don’t buy that and say that the alternatives (for example, inventing something new, writing a book etc.) available are equally or more powerful. 4. They are not easily “box”able This is a problem more for others who are “dealing” with these smart people. Human beings have a need to “box” other people – that gives them the comfort knowing “who they are dealing with.” Many smart people (ex: polymaths) are not easily “box”able – increasing the difficulty to being social. 5. Signal discovery is expensive in the social world: Time is precious for these people and for some of them, time is more precious than money. Investing time means they are investing more than money so they expect to get a better ROII (return on investment for an interaction.) Unfortunately, many places where people hang out are filled with noise and these people have no interest in investing their time to “discover” the signals from the social world. They believe that being social will help them discover some gems. However, they are not convinced of the investment they need to make to discover those gems. 6. They believe that amplification will be automatic if the contribution is valuable enough One advantage of being social is the reach and amplification that comes with it. Many people that belong to the above category were of the opinion that if the work is truly valuable, it automatically get the amplification. When I countered them quoting the case of Apple products that are marketed heavily, their response was that they are not against marketing but they want to create something that is marketing-worthy first. One of them said that it is best to spend 90% of the time creating and 10% marketing it than to do it the other way round. 7. Big frequency mismatches frustrate them: In a classroom, a teacher has to deal with students of all levels of intelligence. He or she needs to have the patience to construct the message so that (hopefully) ALL the students will understand it. The teacher is happy to accomodate this and adjust his or her communication. That is not the case with these smart people. They have no interest or to time to engage where there is BIG frequency mismatch. Have a great week ahead!

Enjoy your roses before their fragrance fades

I have always be-lieved that un-happiness is a state of mind, not of possessions. You can have all the wealth in the world, even qualities such as beauty, but they will never ensure happiness. While the truth behind such a philosophy concerning possession in all its forms is easy to understand, there are many people who can never extend this thought to their relationships. No matter what they may have received in terms of emotional or monetary gratification from their spouses, or their siblings or their children, they are still craving for more and more. Their deep internal unhappiness may stem from many causes ranging from simple envy to their desire to make others conform to their beliefs and viewpoints. Some months ago, I went to the house of friends of mine. Both husband and wife are people from the arts; essentially writers and journalists and very liberal in their outlook. Their house is stacked with books and they spend their free time watching plays and in literary pursuits. Their eternal gripe is that their daughter, who is a strapping 18-year-old, is just not into the arts. “She does not read the papers and is ignorant about current affairs,” said the father. “I have lured her with all kinds of things, but she has never read more than three books so far,” counters the mother. “She is on Facebook or some social network site all the while… I wonder where it will take her,” both complain. And they are sad that their vast library lies unread by their child. The daughter is a very focussed girl and is essentially into sports and design. “Uncle, I feel sleepy when I read,” she tells me plainly. “And I am not always on social sites; I keep browsing design sites for new ideas, but mom and dad do not appreciate design. They think I am being too fancy, what can I do?” I tell the parents to rejoice in their daughter’s choice and participate in her interests, rather than forcing their choices on her. That will bring them closer to her and make them appreciate her interests. They cannot understand that they are being dictatorial with their daughter in making her conform to their ideal concepts. “Be thankful that in today’s day and age your daughter is not on drugs or moving around with unsuitable boys,” I tell them as a sign off line. Last week the father rang me up and said that things were much better with his daughter after they had taken my advice to heart. “Instead of cribbing over what we did not have, we have begun to celebrate what we have. And in the process, we have rediscovered our daughter,” he said, putting it across beautifully as only a man of letters can. Life is essentially about having to make adjustments. Appreciate what you have rather than rue what you don’t have. As I say, rejoice in your roses before their fragrance becomes a memory.

Indian's longest Train journey@4,286km

With the introduction of VIVEK ExPRESS,now Northeast &South come closer.India's longest train journey starts from Dibrugarh(ASSAM) to Kanyakumari(Tamilnadu).And in world the 8th largest Train services.so Travelers, will have nice time of journey for a few Hundred rupees.People we are interested in exploring from one end of India to another costs just INR 673 by second-class sleeper. This Service is Regular weekly service,which will begin on this month November 26,will leave at 11.45pm every Saturday,reaches its Destination(Kanyakumari) on Wednesday(journy time 82.30hrs).This Train service will really beneficial for the passengers from the entire region.Especially for Malayalee people,because a good number of people from Kerala work in the northeast in various defense services like BSF,Board Roads Organisation and Oil companies. In recent years, a large numbers of youth from ASSAM and other north eastern states have been migrating in opposite direction,to the South states,in search of jobs.A long cherished dream coming TRUE.