Being kind is more important than being right

When you are young, you are naïve. You think that the world is inhabited by good-hearted kids as yourself, that everyone is like you and has your mental qualities, abilities and peeves. You cannot understand how someone can be so different from yourself, have different aptitudes, prefer different games and have different choices. It is only when you are much older that you realise that there are types and types of people and that they all have different standards, values and morals. And then you realise that you can never understand them. Many months ago, I met a 50 plus professional who had gone through life never believing that he had ever done a wrong; he was firm that it had always been the other person’s fault. If he had not been a spectacular success, it was the fault of his parents who did not set him up in business. If he was a mere dabbler in the stock market, and was not a mover and shaker, it was because his parents did not give him their sizeable funds to handle; they preferred to salt it away in bank deposits. If he could not leverage his landed property, it was because of his siblings who did not give him the rights to jointly sell out their share with his. And if he was becoming crotchety at home, it was because of his wife! His spouse tells me that he had been committing blunder after blunder in the two decades of marriage, but had never seen reason; firmly arrogating to himself the title of being above and beyond everyone in the house. Slowly, very slowly, he destroyed the happiness in the families, but he still does not see it. In fact, the wife says that he has never apologised to anyone in the quarter century of their married life! In a similar vein, I also know another person in the same age group who has never understood the concept of arguing. He believes that an argument is a battle which he has to win at all costs. And win he does, but at great vexation to his friends as he does not understand his hectoring ways are gnawing at the roots of friendship. Frankly, I don’t think that he cares for anything except winning arguments. The cause of such behaviour lies in egos which are so fragile and bruised that they cannot accept another person’s point of view, much less concede that they could be in error. Such an ego has got it so wrong by believing that it gets diminished if it apologises. An apology is a proof that you have conquered your ego; it clears your heart and makes you realise that it is human to err. It also means that you value your relationships more than your ego. And in a related way, it is critical to realise that being kind is more important than being right. After all, no one will remember the next day who won the argument. But they will definitely recall your kindness for a long time.